-What's the difference between a cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
-I don't have a cadillac in my garage...

-What's worse than a huge pile of dead babies?
-The one left alive that has to eat its way out.

-What has for legs and one arm?
-А pit bull at daycare.

-I wish my lawn was EMO!
-Why?
-Cause then it would cut itself.

-A sixth body in Ipswich has been found! A packet of frosties on her back and a milk bottle up her arse!
-Honestly these cereal killers are murder!

-What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
-Take the pin out and throw it back!